According to the Canadian Women’s Foundation, 30% of all women 15 years or older have reported experiencing sexual assault at least once in their lives. That statistic, as well as the fact that almost every woman I know has direct or indirect experience with sexual assault, is nothing short of terrifying. However, there’s something else that number does not account for: the moments that get lost in the chasm of the in-between. The moments of discomfort or fear that feel too temporary or small to constitute a “real” problem. They’re not serious enough to report, so they’re brushed aside. In isolation, I’ve found they can be easy to downplay, and eventually, forget about. But with each one, I’ve grown a little more jaded. A little more cynical about the world. A little more distrustful of men.
In my naivety of coming to law school, it felt obvious that things would be different here. Surely, if someone chooses to pursue a career in law, then they should have a more than adequate understanding of values like respect and consent. Bewilderingly, that doesn’t appear to be close to the truth – and it’s simply not being talked about enough.
Opening the conversation about harassment
For the sake of opening up the conversation, I wanted to share a moment of my own. At a party last semester, while walking through a crowd, I was grabbed by a male law student in a way I was not okay with. Everything happened really fast. I was holding the hand of a girl who was leading me to the bar, and I think she just thought I got stuck somewhere, so she yanked a bit harder on my hand and pulled me out of the situation.
It was all too easy to minimize in my head. The excuses are so ingrained, they’re almost automatic: he was just a bit too drunk, or I had given him the impression that I was interested, or because it wasn’t all that serious, I guess I didn’t really care. But in the moment itself, I was scared. I didn’t know what was happening – or what was going to happen next. Afterwards, I had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to shrink into myself, of wanting to be invisible. It was just a few moments, but it ruined my night.
For all the excuses I’ve made, and for all the excuses I’m sure so many other women at the law school have made, it’s incredibly simple: the standard at the law school should be better – and it must be better.
I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard: non-consensual kisses in bars, girls being followed home, men to “watch out for.” To be frank, I think I’ve been really lucky. Two of my closest friends are men, and I’m sure, without even fully knowing it, their presence protected me from so much last year. But I should not have to look to the men in my life to shield me, especially not in a school that prides itself so much on its community.
In short, something has to change.
Tell your story
In collaboration with DFLA, I’ve created an anonymous survey, which can be accessed with the following link: (https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdRX0CS3lCsLDqBDJ9lON1yuZHZdN1GnKT_5XF-UaKVyXFrow/viewform).
If you would like to anonymously share a story of something that made you uncomfortable, or that you brushed aside or excused, please fill out the form. My hope is to compile and share them on The Weldon Times website and, subsequently, to shed more light on the prevalence of these issues.
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