“It's Not Okay" Story Compilation

Response #1:

Before coming to Schulich, I had experienced sexual violence and left the situation feeling very bitter towards how it was handled culturally. When I got into law school, I thought that it would somehow be better – that the people in law would have a moral compass that forced them to speak out if these things ever happened. All I have witnessed instead is a culture that hides its predators more effectively, that normalizes conversation about these events as being passed between (mainly) women telling each other who to watch out for, who to avoid being alone with. It is a deeply frustrating thing to be complicit in, and terrifying to think of the people we're sending out into the world in this profession of privilege and power.

That quote is a response I received anonymously through the “It’s Not Okay” form, which I shared with the community last semester. The form and accompanying article were products of emotion, driven by my disbelief at the community’s silence regarding sexualized violence and harassment on campus. My anger and frustration had reached a tipping point, and I needed to do something. 

Under-reporting is easily one of the most challenging barriers to addressing this issue, and I witnessed that first-hand with this form. My thought was that I just needed to create a safe, anonymous space, where anyone could share their stories, opinions, and frustrations. As long as I emphasized that no experience was too small, I could begin to chip away at this barrier. 

Given the sheer number of stories I had heard first or second-hand, I thought responses would flood in. 

But they didn’t. 

In the weeks following the creation of the form, I had an overwhelming number of conversations with women in my life. In each one, at least one deeply concerning experience was shared. So I know, for a fact, the number of responses I received do not begin to reflect the extent of this issue. But it was in those conversations I also realized how naive I had been. The self-minimization of these issues was even more ingrained than I had thought – and so was the fear. Many individuals expressed that they did not submit a response through the form, due to the chance they could become associated with criticism of the school, or that the men of Schulich would retaliate. 

It is also an immense burden to put on somebody’s shoulders, to ask them not only to relive an experience, but to put it down in writing. And although I don’t have words to fully express it, I want to thank, with everything I have, the individuals who chose to share these deeply vulnerable stories. 

We will never know how many other experiences like these have occurred in our community. However, when you read the responses I did receive, I hope you agree – even one of these experiences is too many. I also recommend that you take a moment, after reading each one, to reflect. To consider that this is one of your peers. This is someone who you may share classes with, or who you pass in the halls. 

This is the state of our community right now. 

So I want you to ask yourself: what are we going to do to change it?

Response #2

At the second Domus event I ever attended, a much larger male law student approached my friend and I. As the male law student engaged in friendly conversation, I was abruptly taken out of the genuinely nice moment we were all having when he placed his hand on the nape of my neck and began massaging. I felt scared and uncomfortable and was a little drunk myself, unable to fully process what was happening, but instinctively moved away so that his hand was no longer on the back of my neck. I thought that would be enough to signal my lack of consent and disapproval.  However, the male law student didn’t hesitate for a second, and he placed his hand immediately where it was on my body just a second before. He continued his conversation with my friend, while I stood there stunned. I was once again scared, but I didn’t bother trying to remove his hand or escalate the situation. I didn’t want to be lame, so I just put up with it, even though I felt really uncomfortable with the lack of respect for my bodily autonomy. I stayed away from that male law student for the rest of the year, occasionally saying hi from a distance to not be rude. This demonstrates how women are often forced to submit to patriarchal attempts at establishing dominance, for the sake of social harmony through conflict avoidance. We bear the negative feelings men so often and so thoughtlessly evoke in us.

Response #3

This happened at Law Ball last year. I was just standing with my friends when a man came up behind me and grabbed my ass. I know it wasn't an accident, because he squeezed it and swiped his hand across my entire backside. He quickly walked away when I turned around, and because of the masquerade theme, he had his face covered. So I have no idea who he was. Of course, I couldn't report what had happened, since I didn't even know who did it. Now I have to walk around school knowing that this guy is here, and I might be talking to him without knowing that it's the man that assaulted me. In a separate incident, I witnessed multiple male classmates openly discussing the "fuckability" of female classmates and calling them sluts. It just contributes to my mistrust of my male classmates.

Response #4:

This experience happened when analyzing R v Stone (1999), a case where the accused stabs his wife 47 times, after she allegedly degraded him and his sexual abilities. Before analyzing the Supreme Court of Canada’s decision, my criminal law professor asked the class who believed the accused’s automatism claim, i.e., who believed that the accused was truly not in control of his actions.  Only one male student raised their hand, responding, ‘I just hate this fucking woman.’ The student proceeded to explain why the accused’s anger was valid, because the accused’s wife had threatened his manhood and mocked the size of his penis. I have not felt safe around this student since.

Response #5

I was groped on two occasions at Domus when I was a student at Schulich, not too long ago. The first time, a male student that was much older and much larger than me grabbed me on my way to the bathroom and held me close to him. He said something to the effect of ‘you know what you're doing.’ I remember his breath all gross and warm near my ear, and him running his hand along my hip and up my side. I managed to bolt and didn't try to go to the bathroom again all night. The second time was by a member of the Domus executive, and someone who was in my friend group. We were standing facing each other, when he reached out and grabbed my boob. I was shocked and said ‘You can't do that,’ to which he replied, ‘I can do what I want’ and did it again. Both times, I was surrounded by classmates and friends. No one seemed to notice, so no one did anything.

Response #6

Once, at a Domus event, my friend went outside to chat with a (non-law) guy she was interested in. A guy from the law school (who she was not dating, but he had previously made multiple advances towards her) followed her outside and began screaming at her for talking to another guy instead of pursuing him.  Additionally, after Boatmus, I was at Durty Nelly’s. There was a very very drunk law student who repeatedly grabbed my hand and tried to hold it, despite the fact that I expressed I did not want to hold hands.

Response #7

Transparent accountability is something that I have failed to see from Schulich in the situations in which I have known harassment to occur. Perhaps there was some sort of disciplinary action that was taken, but perhaps there was not. All I seem to hear are whispered rumours of those perpetuating these things being spoken to by faculty. Lines need to be drawn in the sand and consequences (that are more meaningful than a wagging finger) need to actually be followed through on, in order for the culture to shift into one that recognizes these actions as unacceptable.